Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Celebrity wedding: Violence breaks out in Bangalore

-- Mumbai Correspondent

"I was playing with my little sister, when I heard the sound of a noisy juice mixer. Then suddenly the sound changed and the smell of fried eggs filled in the air. Soon I realized that it was not from our kitchen but from the road, where an angry group of five men where manhandling our beloved Poovan uncle”. Malli, a 5 year old girl burst into tears when asked about the tragic incident she had witnessed - the “Black Sunday Gang Bang”, a surprise attack launched by the "Uncles Gang” in Bangalore.

It was on last Sunday that a group of five men, calling themselves as "Uncles Gang", set out wide spread violence throughout the city; just one week after the controversial wedding of former Miss MCA and female pop singer Kothukini with her undisclosed lover took place. This caused an outrage within the natives and at least 5 people injured in the counter attacks. Chakkara Poovan, who had been beaten black and blues by the mobsters as well as some natives, was admitted in a private hospital with sufficient injuries.

It was the most unfortunate day for him. He was targeted and victimized by both sides. When the angry native mob somehow got the wrong idea of him as a member of Uncles’ Gang, things went worst”, Said his colleague and MCA opposition leader Mr. Pitty Chungathara.

According to Mr. Poovan, the first course of beating was given to him by the gangsters, when he refused to guide their way to the couple’s hide out. Before the Gang managed to take him with them, he somehow managed to pass the information to his room mate Mr. Jumpan that Uncles gang is searching for the couples and will reach to them in no time. Mr. Jumpan, immediately passed the info, to the couples with all the necessary details, such as the model, color and number of the vehicle used by the gangsters.

By the time the gangsters reached the couple’s hide out, all the natives were eagerly waiting for their turn. No sooner did the vehicle of the gangsters arrived, than it disappeared in the crowd. Later on that day, one of its wheels was found from a well nearby. Mr. Poovan whom the crowd misinterpreted as the leader of the gang, was showered with thousand kisses by the mob, thus to say.

"There is nothing new in loosing two or three teeth from my mouth. As a well wisher of all girls I am ready to sacrifice all my teeth if required. But what frustrates me is the fact that I was in no way connected with the issue. Like all wedding invitations I receive from girls, this also was no less shocking news for me”, said the Poovan

"What Mr. Poovan said could be true. But it is a known fact that the whole of MCA was expecting this since long time. We were all sure that her uncles will one day fondle him, but for an altogether different reason." commented Mr. Bindi AyyoAyyo.

Gangsters, who declared themselves as pop star’s uncles, were later arrested by the city police commissioner Moosa, with the help of MCA Secret agents, Jumpan and his trusted assistant Thumpan.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

"Need Friendship? Ownership Minds!"

-- Mumbai Correspondent

Sounds like a page3 header? You are terribly mistaken! It's nothing else, but an open expression by a grief-hit heart from former MCA community-the famous MCA celebrity, Chakkara Poovan.

"If you really want to retain your friends, please be more careful while using certain words like 'Our', ‘Ours’, 'Mine', etc. A victim like me can only advice you!"

It was his first public appearance after the break-up of his long term business partnership with the earth moving giant JCB, last month. According to our Bangalore correspondent, it was after a 10 minutes' telephonic conversation with his ally, Mr. Dujesh JCB declared his withdrawal from the partnership. This surprising decision was followed by an utter chaos in the MCA Stock Exchange and business community. Even though several business magnets like Bindi AyyoAyyo * -(M.D.,Bin-Dee Associates) came forward for negotiations between the one-time allies, Mr.Dujesh turned down all the suggestions for an open discussion with his new rival. Even Mr. AyyoAyyo, an all time critic of Mr. Dujesh for his habit of mixing up personal issues with business, came forward with an open declaration that this time the boot is on the other foot.

Even if the issue is strictly personal, comments like these cannot be entertained. Mr.Poovan must give up his habit of using the word “Our” while referring to any girl known to him.

(Actual Malayalam words of Mr. JCB according to Mr. AyyoAyyo: “Onte aa nammde, nammade enna parachil nirthaathe oonodini varthaanam illa!”)

Mr. Poovan, who is now looking for a new business partner has made an open declaration that he is ready to accept Bindi’s proposal, but asked for some time to implement the change. (Rumor has it that Mr.AyyoAyyo, after his discussion with Mr.JCB is rethinking the offer he made to Mr.Poovan).

Meanwhile, Mr. Koya who always remained as a controversial figure in the group has filed a suit in the Chungathara High Court for the copyright of his Mega serial named “My Paathu” (Ente Paathu a.k.a Njanum, Paathuvum Pinne Njanum), against some natives of Chungathara.